[Tamara]

I have been involved with a very nice guy for just over a year now. We get along great, don't fight, and enjoy many of the same things. We have talked a bit about getting married, but here is the great dilemma: As good as our relationship is, it just doesn't feel like he is "the one" for me. Hard to put into words but there isn't much of a "spark" if that makes sense. This never bothered me until lately when I began giving our long term plans more thought. I don't want to let our relationship go......but I just feel unsure.

[Grum]

If it doesn't feel right then don't do it!!

Marrying someone when you're not 100% sure they're right for you is just putting yourself (and them) in the firing line for more dissapointment and heartache in the future.

I didn't meet my wife until I was 26 and she was 38. Sure we'd both been in long trem relationships before we met each other but neither of us had found the right person. Now I'm in an amazing place, I have a wife who understands me and is happy with me disapearing off around the world for months at a time working for bands (she doesn't think, as so many do, that I'm just going away to party all the time). The most important thing in a relationship is honesty and if you don't feel that what you have now is right for you then you have to be honest with you boyfriend. That may mean you have to part company but surely it's better to do that on friendly terms than in a messy divorce when you finally do meet Mr Right and your husband catches you two together doing things you shouldn't be doing?

Please don't take that as a slur on your character, I'm not suggesting that you are the type of person who would cheat on your partner but it does happen in plenty of relationships and when it does it affects both parties, the cheater feels guilty and the cheated is just plain hurt. If you don't feel your relationship is right then why extend it? You're obviously good friends, is it not better to keep that friendship rather than loose it all together?

[cherylm]

Well, I'm determinedly single...so make what you will of my advice!

There's a lot to be said for "getting along," "not fighting," and "similar interests." But if there's not even a little bit of a "spark," I think what you have with this fellow is a good friendship. That's a worthy thing, but it may or may not turn out to be the stuff a marriage is made of. If you're having doubts, your gut may be trying to tell you something.

Now...if you think you may have to "settle" for "no spark" because you're missing a body part, get that thought out of your mind! I may be determinedly single, but I was determinedly single with two legs, too...if you're interested in a relationship with "spark," go ahead and put yourself out there until you find it. It will exist...it just may take a little more time to find it. And isn't it worth it to take the time to find the person who is really meant for you?

[mmarie]

And you're sooo young. You have lots of time to find Mr. Right Never ever settle for less than what you truly want.

[Sue1]

If it doesn't feel 100% right and that you can't possibly live without him don't do it!! Marriage isn't always easy even when you have that special 'spark' and are willing to do anything and everything for the other person, without it then there really is no long term future and there will just be heartbreak further down the line.
I am lucky I did meet the right person and 22 years later we are still just as much in love and just as happy together but even we occasionally want to kill each other (only briefly I hasten to add and we quickly get over it).
You are young and have years ahead of you - don't settle for second best, you will know the one when you find him.

[eag]

Sue 1, if there isn't the tiny spark in a relationship that means LOVE you had better look around before marriage. You need that spark in the bad times...and everyone has some. Just back off alittle. JMO

[CaptainKB]

If there's no SPARK, there's no FIRE. You are so young, take your time and you will find Mr. right.

[Tint]

1 year seems a bit soon to be making a decision about the rest of your life :) Theres no rush (unless of course for more religious reasons) enjoy your youth together and it will all fall into place if its meant to