[anne.brook]

I really don't know where to start, so here goes.

Vickib went down to theatre at midday today for her RAKA. Unfortunately things didn't go quite to plan and she needed a transfusion to counter the massive blood loss. She returned to the ward at 5.30 this evening still deeply unconscious.

I am in bits, just looking at her beautiful face, and wishing I could take all her trials and tribulations for myself, but knowing I can't.

I have started this as a new post, hoping that in the future, when I look back at it, I can wonder at my fears, and laugh.

I still need all yor prayers to carry us all through the coming weeks.

[Nestudas]

I've been thinking of your family today, and will continue to do so in the days ahead.

Please stop by when you can to update us.

Love to you all.

[Jim T.]

I have started this as a new post, hoping that in the future, when I look back at it, I can wonder at my fears, and laugh.

I still need all yor prayers to carry us all through the coming weeks.

Laugh - well, maybe not. I still find myself in tears (18 years later) when I relive those moments too specifically. If you've ever noticed, (which I don't expect, but anyway), I only skim over the surface of my experiences. My wife was concerned when I joined this forum, because she knows that I tear up when I recall things to deeply.

Good. it proves that I am human, and so are you, but you will be able to learn to deal with this and move on. Keep telling yourself WHY this is being done in the first place. You have made your choice through much thought and prayer and have arrived at your answer. The next step now is the healing and the learning new things.

Our prayers are most definitely with you - today, and the weeks and months to come. God Bless all of your family. Victoria is in good hands. You look after yourself and your granddaughter - while she is looking after you. That's the way that it works. You'll come out of this fine.

[bearlover]

Hi !Hang in there their are people who care on this fourm. Victoria will progress well. She is in my thoughts and prayers... God Bless :)

[eag]

I have started this as a new post, hoping that in the future, when I look back at it, I can wonder at my fears, and laugh.

I still need all yor prayers to carry us all through the coming weeks.

Laugh - well, maybe not. I still find myself in tears (18 years later) when I relive those moments too specifically. If you've ever noticed, (which I don't expect, but anyway), I only skim over the surface of my experiences. My wife was concerned when I joined this forum, because she knows that I tear up when I recall things to deeply.

Good. it proves that I am human, and so are you, but you will be able to learn to deal with this and move on. Keep telling yourself WHY this is being done in the first place. You have made your choice through much thought and prayer and have arrived at your answer. The next step now is the healing and the learning new things.

Our prayers are most definitely with you - today, and the weeks and months to come. God Bless all of your family. Victoria is in good hands. You look after yourself and your granddaughter - while she is looking after you. That's the way that it works. You'll come out of this fine.

[cherylm]

Well, I think "laughs" may be possible, if only the occasional relieved and empbarrassed chuckle as you recall how strange and threatening it all seems right now. i know that I sometimes find myself shaking my head in wonderment at how scared -- and how innocent -- I was only 15 months ago!

You all seem like such a close and supportive family... and you have friends here who can identify with what you're all going through. I'm positive that these things will be a tremendous comfort to Victoria as she sets about the job of recovery!

[mmarie]

I don't know that you'll laugh, but you'll definitely look back on what a journey it was. Blessings to you all.

[JudyH]

[color=#3333FF][size=1]I really don't know where to start, so here goes.

Vickib went down to theatre at midday today for her RAKA. Unfortunately things didn't go quite to plan and she needed a transfusion to counter the massive blood loss. She returned to the ward at 5.30 this evening still deeply unconscious.

I am in bits, just looking at her beautiful face, and wishing I could take all her trials and tribulations for myself, but knowing I can't.

I have started this as a new post, hoping that in the future, when I look back at it, I can wonder at my fears, and laugh.

I still need all yor prayers to carry us all through the coming weeks.

Both of you are in my thoughts and prayers. JudyH

[anne.brook]

I'm really sorry if I offended anybody. I can see now that the word laugh was a stupid word to use, but I'm just a mum who loves and cares for her daughter.

I've just rung the hospital, and they said Victoria has had a comfortable night, but was very upset when she saw her stump.

The ward staff have been brilliant, and even though visiting shouldn't be until 2pm this afternoon, they are going to let me go in this morning.

Will keep you posted

[carpet lady]

Anne

I dont believe anyone was offended. Every one copes with their loss in different ways. It is good to think positive even if you cant act it at the moment.

My family and I laughed a lot usually in a bit of a sick way. It was our coping mechanism. Why should you not want to be able to look back and be glad, if not of the actual experience but the brave way you and your family handled it.

I wish you all the best.

Rachel

[insane]

Hi Anne, I am sure that this all brings back memories for all who read your post. You both have my thoughts and prayers.

I found a prayer on the internet and I am sure that it will be of help.

I thought of you so much today
I went to God in prayer,
To ask Him to watch over you
And show you that I care.
My prayer for you was not for rewards
That you could touch or feel,
But true rewards for happiness
That are so very real.
Like love and understanding
In all the things you do,
And guidance when you need it most
To see your troubles through.
I asked Him for good health for you
So your future could be bright,
And faith to accept life's challenges
And the courage to do what's right.
I gave thanks to Him
For granting my prayer
To bring you peace and love.
May you feel the warmth in your life
With God's blessings from above

[anne.brook]

Thank you insane. Your poem was so beautiful that it made me cry in a good way. I'm just off to the hospitalso need to dry my tears. Thank you again.

[insane]

You are very welcome Anne.

[JudyH]

I'm really sorry if I offended anybody. I can see now that the word laugh was a stupid word to use, but I'm just a mum who loves and cares for her daughter.

I've just rung the hospital, and they said Victoria has had a comfortable night, but was very upset when she saw her stump.

The ward staff have been brilliant, and even though visiting shouldn't be until 2pm this afternoon, they are going to let me go in this morning.

Will keep you posted

The day I can't laugh it will scare me to death. I know I will survive whatever life throws at me as long as I can laugh.
JudyH

[Sunshine]

Hello Anne,

I hope Victoria is feeling a bit better today.

I just want to say that you do not have to apologize to anybody. You have offended no-one. As i have found, everybody deals with situations in different ways.

I am Thinking of you, Victoria and the rest of your family.

Love Yvonne
xx

[Jim T.]

Hello Anne

I didn't necessarily agree with your comment about laughing, but I certainly was not offended. I was only speaking for myself. Every now and then I refer jolingly to "having fun", and my wife snaps back, that there was nothing fun about it.

I have been known to laugh when I have had the most fear, so I do know what you were saying. I do apologize for my bluntness - which is basicly my nature.

Let me say it this way. We do look back at that - with acceptance, and put a positive face on it. As I said before my experience was particularily rough and we still find nothing to laugh about, but that is just us.

On this forum - as elsewhere - I tell it straight and don't pull many punches. I do try to be diplomatic and considerate, but apparantly this time I failed. I am truly sorry.

[anne.brook]

Hi Everyone

My beautiful, darling wonderful girl was so much better today. I gave her a bed bath this morning and even managed to clean away the dried stuff from her good leg.

Although she has slept most of today, she even managed to smile today, without the pinched look of pain she has worn for the past four years.

I even managed to keep my own tears at bay until I got home. I wish I was as strong as Victoria, but I am doing the best I can.

Her husband isn't handling things too well at the moment, but my grandaughter is staying strong.

I passed on the good wishes from the members of this forum, and Victoria asked me to say thankyou.

Will keep you posted

[VeryScared]

I wish I was as strong as Victoria, but I am doing the best I can.

Dear Anne,

You ARE as strong as your daughter. More so. Just because she is an adult, she is always your baby. You have known her a lot longer than she has known you.

It must be very hard to see her go through all she has had to endure these past years, with the latest chapter being very traumatic. Others have given, and will continue to give you the same advice: keep the big picture as much as you can. Remember why she chose the amputation.

There is a member of this Forum (who has not posted for quite awhile, sadly) who was a voluntary amputee after dealing with a bad leg all her life. Her motto was/is "This time next year ..." That advice is good for anyone under any circumstances.

It does not happen overnight, but each day brings a little more and a little more. And each day brings a lot less pain.

she even managed to smile today, without the pinched look of pain she has worn for the past four years.

That makes today a success.

Many years ago I provided support for an aunt who lost her leg to diabetes. I remember the ups and downs, the triumphs in doing the "small" things in life again. I never thought about anything more than the next accomplishment. It was the combination of all those "small" things that allowed her to get on with her life.

One thing I learned in my own experience was that it is OK to cry and rage. Not necessarily in front of the person who had surgery, of course. Again, others have spoken about the grieving process.

So many are wishing and praying for Vicky (or is it really Victoria)'s success and healing. And for yours. If her husband has not looked at the Forum, perhaps he will find support here too. I know you will keep us all informed on the progress each of you is making.

You are right: it is a journey. I, like all the others here, wish you and your family a successful and safe one. Love and, yes, even laughter, will help.

Maryl

[Nestudas]

Maryl,

Your words are just perfect.

[mmarie]

The poem is beautiful, Paul.

[anne.brook]

Hi Maryl

Just to clear things up, My daughter's name is Victoria, but she prefers to be known by Vicki. But like most mums, I can't think of her as Vicki.

It's 3.15am here, but I just can't sleep. Just called the hospital, and Victoria is sleeping well.

[melaussie]

HI Anne heaps of good wishes to you and Victoria. Gee it's such early days and I hope she has a very quick recovery. I often think how hard it must be for the family-because I know what mine went through.

Take care of yourself it's great to know that the staff are so good. I'm sure I'm right in saying that Vicki is probably as strong as her Mum sometimes it's the best genes that are passed on. If your son-in -law has any questions tell him to drop on by.

Thinking of you all.

Mel.

[insane]

Hi Anne, I hope you managed to get off to sleep eventually as it is the one thing we cannot manage without. I have an idea what you are going through as I watched the weight drop off my parents when I had the amputation.
Mentally I think it was worse for them than me at the time as I was quite layed back and chilling on the morphine.
Kind regards and prayers, Paul.

[anne.brook]

Hi folks. I wish you could see the smiles on both Victoria's and my faces. She no longer has the pinched look of pain. I was with her today when they removed the drain and other tubes. They also took down the theatre dressing, and it is good and clean.

We are talking about the future, and she can't wait for physio to start on Monday. She is doing so well in fact, that the surgeon has allowed her home tomorrow for a few hours for her daughter's 16th birthday party.

I never dreamed that she would be on the road to recovery so quickly.

I am afraid that the one thing that we hoped for has not happened, and her husband still can't accept the situation. He doesn't want to talk about it, and goes for a walk even it the sheet is pulled away from the stump. I don't know what we can do there, but we will continue to support him as well as Victoria.

Both Victoria and I shed a few tears when they removed the bandages, but not for sad reasons. We now KNOW that this is the beginning of her new life.

We both have an awful lot to thank the friends we have on this forum for the optimism they have instilled in us. We can never thank you enough. You showed us the way.

[cherylm]

Anne, you and Victoria may both be amazed at how quickly things start to move now... for me, at least, losing that painful, broken, infected foot gave me an instant shot of energy and renewed good health almost immediately. And yes, even with the postoperative pain, I felt FAR less pain than I did from the foot... sounds like Vicki's having a similar experience!

As for her husband, well, some folks just "adapt" at a slower pace. We can all hope and pray that he will eventually "come round" and understand that this was the best way to give his wife BACK her life, extreme though the measures may be. I can say from my own experience that, of all my family and friends, I found only one casual friend who simply could not "cope" with my situation... and I believe that was simply because she was not around often enough to stop seeing "the amputation" and start seeing ME. Once he sees his wife up and mobile and pain-free, I think he'll be better able to relax and accept. I certainly hope so.

My best to all of you... and a Happy Birthday to Lil Boffin!

take care... cherylm

[Ally]

Anne, you and Victoria may both be amazed at how quickly things start to move now...

Anne, Cherylm is so right. Things will start happening very quickly now. Imagine - physical therapy already on Monday!

This is definitely a new beginning, and each day will hold its own victories, which you will celebrate.

Dammit, now I'm getting all teary eyed. My mother was my rock. Still is in many ways. She still battles to talk about my trauma time in hospital. But that is way past us now. Properly. 11 years down the line, and her worries these days are about me leaping out of planes and off mountains, and getting lost in the bush on a horse. Me being nearly 40 seems to make it somehow worse for her, go figure... :)

Keep on keeping on, my thoughts are with you and your family during this time. This is truely the worst. It gets better from here.

Ally
xxx

[anne.brook]

I'm sure going to bore you folks with my amazing daughter's progress, but I'm so happy that I want to share it with the world.

I took a sleeping pill last night and slept right through for the first time in months. Then the phone woke me at 9am . You got it, it was Victoria to say "mum can you get up here to get me into the shower". You would also be right to guess that I was out of bed, washed, changed and on the road withi half an hour.

We hadn't told my grandaughter that her mum could be home for the party, just in case the was a snag, but she didn't know whether to cry, hug her mum or do a dance when the wheelchair arrived at the back of the house, in the garden.

Victoria doesn't have any pain at all now. In fact the only unusal thing is that she keeps on feeling that her bad leg is in a certain position. when she knows that the last time it was in that position was prior to the accident. She also has miniscule phantom sensation.

Just looking back at what I've written, I know that I've used the wrong word, as she no longer has a "bad leg", but I wont change it because I know that you will all know what I mean.

I will also bore you by again saying thankyou to all those people who have supported us, both in the forum, and by pm, since those dark days back in March. You know who you are.

We have a really long reprieve and I don't have to have Victoria back to the hospital until 8pm, so I have taken her to her own house so that maybe her husband will have to deal with anything that comes up. I will give them a couple of hours and go back myself.

If today goes well, she will be able to come home again tomorrow for most of the day, and then on Monday she will begin her journey back to reality. The hospital knows us so well, and that everywhere Victoria goes, her mother is bound to follow. But I will be there for as long as she needs me.

[Jim T.]

Wow!! That is terrific news. And how can you possibly imagine that would be boring? :lol: Good news is always welcome around here.

Keep on keeping us posted. We do care.

P.S. You and your granddaughter are two tough ladies.

As for Victoria's husband's acceptance. I had, (he has passed away now), a brother that could never look at my stump. If I went to change, he would leave the room.

I would go through any of this for myself, but I don't know how I would react seeing something like this happen to my wife. I just think that God built women tougher to handle these things than men. We will fight the wars and topple the trees, but to see a loved one in pain is very disconcerting.

Just a thought.

[bearlover]

My father could never lookk at my leg when I had it. It was twisted,scared,defourmed,smaller than the othe rleg, endured 15 surgries, When I took my brace off he could not look at it. Thank goodness my mom could. I often wonder how dad would have handled my amputation?? My husband is great about it. rubs my stump and takes care of me. My brother in law can not look at my stump. If we stay over night at his house I will take off my leg when he is not around, Or go to another room close the door and change or add socks... Some people have a hard time looking at aamputees stump :

[bearlover]

I was in the hospital for only 4 days with my amputaion. And I was up the next day in PT with crutches, Of course i'm a pro on crutches learned to use them at age 2! They tend to rush a person out of a hospital here in U.S. For insuranaces. I really should have stayed longer. Many people return to the hospital after being released to soon... Any way that will be 3 years July 14th. I have come soooooo far. I'm not doing what I would like to or whear I want to be but have come a long way! Victoria will amaze you in her acomplishments!! Best Wishes! :) ;)

[mmarie]

Thank you for keeping us up to date on Vicki's progress. It is NEVER boring. I am very happy that things are progressing well. Hubby will come around in time. Probably sooner rather than later. As JimT said, I really do think sometimes that men have a tougher time coping with these things.

[Marilyn]

Anne, thanks so very much for sharing with us your tremendous journey! Bored, no! We are honored that you chose to share this very personal time with us.

I hope that by giving Vicki and her husband some time alone, that he will come to realize that she is still herself and that there is nothing to fear. I have to agree with Jim, I can endure going through this, but I'm not sure how strong I would be if it were my husband going through this. It is such a helpless feeling to watch a loved one go through such a trauma.

[bearlover]

I wish I had this fourm when I had first had my amputation 3 years ago. We just got the computer in October of '05. This had been a great help to me.. Thanks to all!!! ;)

[Discokev]

Only just read this thread and as I read the first post I was planning to reply to say not to worry about the blood loss as I lost about 18 or 19 pints during my amputation (also RAKA) and everything will work out fine but after reading the rest of the thread it's obvious that I don't need to tell you that! It sounds like Vikki is doing so well, hope she continues to do so and that the physio goes well tomorrow! :)

Kev

[meggy2342000]

Great news about Vicki, its onwards and upwards now. :)

Please, please take time out for yourself as well as having time for your family.

My husband took quite a while to accept my amputation, (although he didn't show it) not so much the fact that i had the leg taken but that it had to happen at all. I was so relieved to get rid of the pain that i didn't think about what my husband was going through, it was months later that he really opened up, once his fears were out in the open things got a lot better. When i asked why he had taken so long to tell me he said he felt it would have been wrong to say anything at the time of the op and that he would have felt very selfish in doing so. I wished he had as things would not have been so bad for him for so long.

[anne.brook]

Hi all

Victoria had been doing so well, bur she has had a setback today. When she had the original accident, her femur was quite badly smashed. Therefore, a steel rod was inserted to help it re-knit.

Obviously, it had to be removed prior to the amp. That is where her problem lies. She has had another massive blood loss over the last 2 days. She is having 2 or 3 units today, and will possible have to return to theatre tomorrow as it is also bleeding into the stump, this causing quite bad swelling.

She remains quite calm in herself, although she is very tired and not too steady sitting up.

As I said, it is only a setback, and hopefully her physio, whilst a little delayed, will soon happen.

[JudyH]

Hi all

Victoria had been doing so well, bur she has had a setback today. When she had the original accident, her femur was quite badly smashed. Therefore, a steel rod was inserted to help it re-knit.

Obviously, it had to be removed prior to the amp. That is where her problem lies. She has had another massive blood loss over the last 2 days. She is having 2 or 3 units today, and will possible have to return to theatre tomorrow as it is also bleeding into the stump, this causing quite bad swelling.

She remains quite calm in herself, although she is very tired and not too steady sitting up.

As I said, it is only a setback, and hopefully her physio, whilst a little delayed, will soon happen.

Dear Anne, you and Vicki remain in my thoughts and prayers.
JudyH

[bearlover]

When I needed my leg amputated 3 years ago to safe my life. The Dr. looked right at my husband and asked "will you leave her when I take her leg off?" :o My husvand was shocked! What my husband asked?? "NO I love my wife. It is just a leg, I'm not that shallow. I love her for who she is is not a body part. Whay do you ask such a thing?"? Did not get a anwser. But that is a true story. My husband has stuck by my side ever since never batting a eye at my stump at all. Treats me the same as ever. With love and respect I always recieved from him. Has never missed a prostheticst appt. or Dr. visit He is a earth angel. What a man! :)

[anne.brook]

Oh Bearlover, as you say, "what a man". Victoria asked me to leave the hospital early today, so that she can talk to her husband. I dearly hope he will listen, or there is no hope for them.

I am sitting here teading posts, just waiting for her to phone me. Although I hope and pray that he will come around, I think his real problem are guilt feelings about the accident, and I am afraid that I am to blame there.

But even though At the time I blamed him for the acident, I have honestly tried never to verbalise the fact.

At the moment, Victoria is the only one I care about, and any remaining feelings are for her daughter. Even my husband has allowed me to devote all of my energies to Victoria.

[cherylm]

Bear, your hubby does sound like an angel; I'm glad you have him in your life!

And Anne, I do hope that things will go well with Vicki... both with her husband and with the medical setback. I'd lost blood and was severely anemic prior to my amputation, and they managed to get me back up where I belonged and to keep me there long enough for my body to heal and be able to take it all over on its own... It's amazing what the doctors can do that way, and I hope their plans for Vicki will set her back on track for a full recovery quickly!

I'm going to share something about my mom and dad, just in case it might be similar to what Vicki and her husband are going through. When Mom was in her early 80s, she developed a large, benign brain tumor which required a surgical removal. A strange side-effect of the surgery was that Mom forgot how to chew and swallow food. While she was having therapy to relearn those skills, a feeding tube was inserted directly into her stomach, through the wall of her abdomen. This tube had to be cleaned regularly... the site of the incision where it was inserted needed daily cleaning and dressing... and six times a day, a liquid meal-replacement solution had to be poured down the feeding tube. Because Mom was weak and did not see well, all the rest of the family was trained to do these various activities between doctor visits.

Dad did NOT want to have anything to do with this... but he HAD to, as my sister and I lived five miles away and worked full-time. We simply could not manage to be there every time some "chore" with the feeding tube needed to be done. Although Dad "did it," his reluctance showed clearly, and it hurt Mom deeply... she thought that he found her "repulsive" and began to think of herself that way.

One day, I got Dad cornered in the car and got him talking about how his attitude about the feeding tube was hurting Mom. After a while, the truth came out:

"Will I kill her if I do something wrong? I couldn't bear to hurt her!"

He'd been so very nervous and upset during the training sessions that he wasn't sure he knew what to do... so he tried to do as little as possible! And the results were upsetting to everyone involved. Eventually, Mom got her swallowing reflexes back, the tube came out, and life returned to "normal."

It could be that Vicki's husband (especially if he feels some responsibility for the accident) is so terrified of doing anything else "wrong" that he's pulling away from doing anything at all. It might be his feelings about himself -- NOT about what's happened with Vicki -- at the base of the problem.

Worth thinking about, perhaps...

Whatever happens in the near future, I have a feeling that your family will find a way to pull together to get Vicki through this. Thank you for sharing her journey with us all!

take care... cherylm